The Beetle Saviour

One of my missions is to save the lives of beetles that have found themselves lying on their backs. As you may know, when beetles, especially the large stags and dung beetles, lie on their backs, they cannot get back on their feet again. Eventually, they will kick their armoured legs feebly until they die, or until a predator comes along and does the job quicker.

So whenever I see one of these rather striking creatures in trouble, I always try to right it back onto its feet. This is what I did today, in fact, when I was leaving my university. I was just about to make for the exit when I saw a fair-sized dung beetle floundering on its back, its little legs moving about in that pleading way that only creatures who can't speak to you can pull off.

So, I put on my Beetle Saviour hat and went to work, carefully trying to flip the struggling insect over with the end of my flip-flop.

That's when the trouble began. Now as I'm sure you all appreciate, a drowning man will clutch at anything in order to save himself. Anything. And that universal survival principle also applies to dung beetles undergoing sudden rescue at the end of a giant human's right shoe.

So, no sooner had my flip-flop started to flip flop the beetle over, the relieved little creature promptly grabbed hold of my flip flop, all six armour-plated legs wrapped firmly and stubbornly around the leather sole.

I couldn't possibly drive my car with a four-inch dung beetle attached to my shoe, so tried to prise it off. However, the legs wouldn't budge, and they made an ominous crackling, snapping sound like twigs whenever I tried to prise them free. The beetle just held on tighter to my shoe, and was absolutely determined not to let go now that its life was saved.

I reached into my bag for some tool I could use to move the beetle off my shoe without hurting it, or falling over because I had to stand on one leg due to the beetle clinging to my shoe. So, I found a white envelope, which had the advantage of being flexible, thin and not made from my flesh!

After several attempts to prise the beetle's legs off from my shoe, accompanied by the disturbing crackling sound of the beetle's little legs holding on tight for dear life, I eventually got it off, resulting in the poor little insect falling to the tiled floor with quite a crunch but, thankfully, landing on all six of its slowly moving but completely intact legs. It didn't appear hurt and no blood was spilled.

I apologised to the creature for making its rescue such a stressful experience, put my shoe back on and the envelope back in my bag, then went about my way, feeling rather pleased with myself.

So my advice to you, dear readers, is that when you see creatures like this lying on their backs struggling for dear life, don't just leave them there to die. Do try to help them back on their feet. But be very careful how you do it!

For your information dear readers, Prof Madder and Wife are going to Europe for a much needed holiday next week. We will be flying to London, then spending most of June at my parents' villa in Spain. Needless to say, there will be plenty of sun-drenched Spanish posts and this time I will try to remember to put some photos in the blog!

Adios, Amigos!!

Total Recall (?)

This kind of thing is happening to me more and more frequently, and it’s quite disturbing.

I try to remember the name of a famous actor and, although the face is clear in my mind, I can’t for the life of me remember the name! This happened only the other day, as I was driving home from work. I was trying to remember the name of a well known Italian-American actor who is quite short in stature, bald and talks with a New York accent. I think his name has a D or a B in it. But I couldn’t remember the name for toffee!! His film credits include comedies such as Twins (with Arnold Schwarzenegger) and Other People’s Money. He also played the Penguin in one of the Batman movies. That much I knew.

Can you work out who it is?

During my drive home, I tried an old memory recall trick I have used before to remember song titles. I went through the letters of the alphabet, trying to see if thinking about each letter and its associated names would help me to recall the name I wanted. A: Arnold, Arnie (NO!), B: Ben, Bill, Barry, Bloody can’t remember!!!!

I got through the whole alphabet before arriving home, and eventually gave up. So what was I to do? This name was still stubbornly stuck there just beyond reach behind the membrane of my memory. So, I did what we all do nowadays when we can’t remember a basic fact: I looked it up on the Internet!!

And, after just a few clicks on the Internet Movie Database, I found the actor I was looking for. And it was.........Danny De Vito!!

And yet, I had gone through the letter D and V, and nothing came to mind that was remotely like Danny or De Vito. At least I got the Italian bit right!

I have had many similar experiences with several other major names such as George Clooney, Kevin Spacey, and the other fella. Also, disturbingly, I could have sworn on a number of occasions that I read of the death of a famous actor, only to find the said actor alive and well and starring in the latest blockbuster! This has happened with Brian Cox, John Hurt...

So, what is going wrong with our memories? I say ‘our’ not just to defer blame, but because I believe this is happening to all of us in this fast-paced, high data-load 21^st Century of ours.

And I have a theory to explain why these memory lapses occur. It’s because slowly but surely, over the last 100 years or so, we have developed more and more technologies for storing our experiences outside our brains.

As a result, we no longer have to commit all of our information to that rather old-fashioned piece of natural wetware called the human memory. We have invented tape recorders, video recorders, cameras, video cams, Mp3 players, mobile phones, CD players and all the rest of it. And now, thanks to digital technology and the rise of the Internet, all of our data and experience can be stored in such humongous quantities and yet can be retrieved so easily. So it’s not surprising that I keep forgetting the names of famous people, because I know I have a backup system readily available in the form of some miracle of modern technology.

I mean, how many of you can remember all of the phone numbers in your mobile phone’s contact list? Probably none of you, because you don’t have to remember the number – just type the name of your contact and hey presto, the call is made!

Being one of those people who was young before mobile technology became so much a part of our lives, I often try to think what life was like before we had all this stuff. And you know what?

I can’t remember!

Mum's the Word...

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. Well, to be more accurate, Mother's Day in Malaysia. This is fine if your mum is here in Malaysia, of course, but it gets quite complex and emotional if your mother lives in Spain.

That's because in Europe, Mother's Day is in March. Here in Malaysia it's in May. So, I get this annual emotional roller coaster ride every March, which usually goes like this, when my mother calls me on Mother's Day:

Me: Hi Mum! How are you? How's Dad (etc....)

Mum: (deflated): oh I'm OK. Feeling a bit tired. My back's hurting again (etc etc)....

Me: Oh dear! Sorry to hear that darling....

Mum: WHY DIDN'T YOU SEND ME A ****** MOTHER'S DAY CARD? YOU KNOW I LIKE TO RECEIVE MOTHER'S DAY CARDS ON MOTHER'S DAY.....

Me: (red faced): Oh I forgot. Only it's not Mother's Day here in Malaysia....

Mum: I DON'T CARE!!! THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS SEND ME A CARD...BOOOO HOOOO (ETC ETC)...

And I have to painfully explain, once again, that seeing as it's March and Malaysian Mother's Day is in May, there are no cards in the shop and so how could I have sent her a card, etc etc etc....

Of course, I somewhat dramatise the above exchange. But I can't help feeling that this mis-match between the Mother's Days in Malaysia and Spain is causing considerable upsets for my dear Mum.

So tomorrow, I will make sure I send my mother the soft equivalent of a Mother's Day card, by calling her and sending her a nice SMS. I will give her an Intercontinental Hug over the phone. That's the least I can do...

Mind you, my mother shouldn't complain too much because at the end of the month, my wife and I are braving the long journey to Spain to visit my parents. It will be my first visit back to Europe since 2000, and my first trip out of Malaysia since 2002.

So my message to all of you on this Malaysian Mother's Day is this. Think of your mother, because she is the one who suffered pain and agony to bring you dripping and screaming into this world. You owe it to your mother, if she is still around, to give her a call, to tell her you love her and that you will come and see her soon. Better still, go and visit her and give her a big kiss and a hug.

There is in Islamic tradition a very apt saying by the Prophet Muhammad, to the effect of: "Paradise exists at the feet of mothers".

So, make sure your mum experiences the paradise of your love for her this Mother's Day. Even if it is just for just a short time...