A day well spent

A day well spent is a day helping someone with serious problems. Today, my missus and I spent the afternoon with a friend and colleague who has just been diagnosed with lung cancer. Now before you jump to conclusions, no, she doesn't smoke, nor does anyone else in her family. Neither does she live next door to a cigarette factory, as far as I know. But lung cancer it is, though fortunately (!) it is stage 1. Now, as you may or may not know, my wife had breast cancer four years ago so she is in a great position to offer advice and help to her friend, and so armed with some edible and drinkable goodies and a present, we went over to her lovely house outside Kuching.

I won't bore you with the details of our conversations, but it became obvious that one factor was shared by my wife and our friend - stress. Both of them have experienced a great deal of stress in the last few years and much of it has in fact come not from demanding work environments, but from demanding and draining families! Now I am not saying that families cause stress all the time, nor am I arguing that stress necessarily causes cancer. But many people suspect, doctors included, that psychological factors may have a correlation with certain types of cancer.

It was enormously satisfying seeing my wife and her friend sharing some of their secrets which we have not been able to share with anyone for so long. The sense of a heavy burden lifting was palpable in that living room this afternoon. But the stress will not go away that easily, especially if you have demanding and stressful families.

Many people struggle through illness, even though their families make unfair demands on them, physically and mentally abuse them and treat them as if nothing is wrong. All I can say is that such families are toxic. They do not or cannot care whether you live or die. But you have a choice. Don't let them get you down, as they say. If you need help, read a book, pray, play Angry Birds, anything. But most of all, find refuge in a good friend. A good friend will never cause you stress, and will never be toxic...